did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
