That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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