how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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