omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
