I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
