Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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