I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wow bdsm is so cute
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
