We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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