i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
