How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
