Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
