these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
