it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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