Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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