is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
