i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
