You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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