I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
