haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
