I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
