There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
