I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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