The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
