I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
