Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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