I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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