..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
