I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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