Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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