I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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