i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
