Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
