Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
