I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
