if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
