woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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