i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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