yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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