i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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