I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
