Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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