I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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