So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
