He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
