Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
