Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
