I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
