so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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