yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
