btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
