If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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