Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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