don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
