how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
