One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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