I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
