Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
