Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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