I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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