i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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