I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i out mim tonsoeep
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