The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
