A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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