She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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