I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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