This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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