he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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