Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
