I didn't shave. On purpose
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
